First, understand that sex can mean many different things to different people and can take many different forms. For instance, there are non-penetrative sex acts (which can absolutely still lead to orgasm), dirty talk, and anal play to name just a few ideas of what a person might be into, sexually speaking. With that in mind, deciphering whether you have sexual compatibility with someone before you have sex may simply mean you're willing to talk about it. When "we're not afraid to express our needs, our wants, and what feels good, [or what] doesn't feel good, then [the sex can be] better, even if it's the first time you're having sex with someone," Mendez says.

“If somebody is not interested in learning about who you are [inside or] outside of the bedroom, there is no sexual compatibility." -Jacqueline Mendez, certified sex therapist

And if when you try to discuss sex and intimacy with a partner, you're met with resistance, that's a sign that you may not be compatible sexually. “If somebody is not interested in learning about who you are [inside or] outside of the bedroom, there is no sexual compatibility," says Mendez. (In fact, this lack of interest may point to a lack of general compatibility, sexually or otherwise.)

But what should you discuss, more specifically, in this conversation about sexual compatibility before having sex? And, if you find that you lack sexual compatibility, is it possible to work on growing it? Below, get all the expert-informed answers, so you can quell as many of those new-partner nerves as possible.